Struggling To See

Lately, I’ve been struggling to see. While that may sound dramatic, the truth is I’ve been experiencing bouts of blurry vision for the past week and a half. Naturally, I took what I thought were the necessary steps to correct any contributing factors to my vision problems:

1. I asked maintenance to replace the burnt out light bulbs in my office.
2. I took breaks from staring at the computer screen.
3. I took off my eye glasses. I put them back on.
4. I turned off the lights in my office and worked by natural light only.
5. I tried eye exercises.

When nothing seemed to work, I made an appointment with the eye doctor. In the medical field, I am led to believe that blurry vision and/or double vision can be caused by many factors, including stress, hypertension, and diabetes. In the spiritual world, blurry vision can be an indication that I am experiencing heightened senses as part of the “awakening process.”

Whether I choose to believe the medical or spiritual explanation, my vision problems have made me look twice (no pun intended) at the way I perceive myself. Why is it that when changes occur that upset our rhythm in life, we feel insecure and doubtful? What makes us lose our footing and struggle to shine? The change I’m currently struggling with is the adjustment to my boyfriend’s night work schedule. And what I’ve realized is this: not being able to see him face-to-face for days has made me forget how to see myself.

Coincidentally, I had a very vivid dream last night about a tidal wave crashing over me. The wave came out of nowhere and knocked me over. I swirled around underwater, coming up for air before being knocked down again. Finally, the wave disappeared and I walked to shore.

According to The Dream Well:

“Tidal waves often appear in our dreams when we are under a lot of pressure or when significant change is occurring.  They may be a an indication that we feel a little overwhelmed, that maybe we fear we won’t be able to cope or adjust with what we see in our own future. This may correspond to our increasing anxiety, or the looming date we fear getting closer.  It is worth recognizing that when we have these dreams there is often an area of our life that we are not looking at clearly, or that we are avoiding.”

In other words, my blurry vision just might be telling me to stop straining so hard to see everything and everyone else. Maybe it’s time to see me.

One Reply to “Struggling To See”

  1. This is good. Real good. Sorry to hear about the struggles with your man’s new work schedule. It’s a major factor in your blurry vision, in your stress, and in your daily life. Our place and those around us give context for who we are. We talk about this a lot in ninth and tenth grade English as the students are forming their identities and taking steps into adulthood. As the students have said, if a major participant of your identity moves or dies or changes, there is a moment when you don’t know yourself anymore. The beauty of it is, that stuckness is momentary …. relatively speaking. And from the stuckness comes growth and renewal. Hang tough. Call ANY TIME! Sending you some serious love. xoxo

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